Random Pudgey Tumblr of Goodness

VGPUSF Episode 1: Hate Mail by Alexander Santa Maria

The Podcast features the staff of the video game club I run on campus at USF. That part should probably be clear by the title. It’s all about video games, and I wrote a better description of it on Soundcloud, so be sure to check it out.

Coincidently, this is another thing I’ve wanted to do for a while, but I’ve been waiting until the time was right. And it finally was this past Sunday. Look forward to new episodes regularly for the forseeable future at least, I’m sure we’ll work out the kinks after a few tries.

At least that will give me some things to publish on the web. I’ve been busy writing bullshit for my creative writing classes for a long time now, and that feeling of spinning my wheels in college is getting more prominent in my head as the months go by.

Still, I have a few fun things planned internet wise, including my continuing series of essays on gaming topics big and small. I think I might start posting those here as well as over on GenGame.com, just in case. It’s always good to have a backup.

Anyway, I know you’re busy with the porn and piracy, so I’ll let you get back to it. Nice of you to drop by!

-Pudge

Real Steel is dumb. It is aggressively dumb, and anyone who has seen even a shred of the marketing knows it’s dumb. So the typical audience member for this movie knows what they are in for, and should hope that the film is dumb in a fun way, and for the most part it is. However, there is a lot of gummy cliches and nutty relationships to get through if you want the chewy robot center.

I really wanted to like this movie, and I wanted to turn my brain off. I really did. But Real Steel just kept throwing things at me that made me stop in my tracks. Why it bothered to define it’s timeline is beyond me, having the movie set in 2020 does nothing but make me wonder why there is a farmhouse with a gas pump attached in the middle of nowhere, why there is an arena in New York City called the “Bing Arena”, why Eminem music is being played, why the small boy talks and dances like he is from the mid 90s. Of course, once you pretend that the movie is taking place in a modern setting, there is a shot of wind turbines or a futuristic phone to remind you that it’s the future, and you put your face into your palm. There are a few inconsistencies is what I’m saying.

Speaking of that small boy, he is Jake Lloyd from Star Wars. Not even the same actor, I’m talking about the small child being picked up in a time machine after filming Phantom Menace and being brought in to do this movie. Every line of dialogue has that same weird tone to it, every smirk has that obnoxiousness, I just kept imagining Internet reviewers or Rifftrax going “I’M ACTING!” whenever he talked. It is uncanny.

As for the other human actors in the piece, there are some shining moments, mostly the side characters. They are cliched as hell much like everything else in the film, but they are the fun kind of cliches I wanted more of. But instead of more time with “Fun Jive Talking Black Guy” and “Texas Businessman”, we spent most of our time building up the relationship between Hugh Jackman and Jake Lloyd-Clone, and the one between Hugh Jackman and his sorta-kinda-it’s a kid’s movie so they only kiss love interest. These scenes add nothing to the movie after about a half hour.

As mentioned in the title, most of the father-son relationship stuff was ripped straight out of Over The Top, only instead of being in the midst of the ridiclous truck workouts and arm wrestling, most of the relationship scenes are played straight and separate from the robot fighting. It all makes me wish the film spent more time in the backstage areas of the robot arenas and less time in other buildings. I wouldn’t have minded the character development so much if it was taking place in a location more interesting than “Boxing Gym” and “Rooftop Garden”.

When the movie does focus on the robot fights, it truly fires on all cylinders. I will admit I gleefully clapped when Atom (the main fighting robot) was introduced as hailing from “Parts Unknown”, and the in fight commentary and entrance music really sold the boxing scenes. Overall, you really don’t need anything else, as you’ve seen every non-robot scene in this movie done better in countless other features. I would recommend watching the fight scenes on YouTube or renting the DVD and making it a great 30 min short film instead of a very middling full length feature.

-Pudge

Hey,

Seems like this always ends up happening, but another summer has come and gone. This one has been busier then most, as I finally got another job. I professionally watch TV at The Nielsen Company, which is a good gig when I’m not watching Dr. Phil or ABC News (serriously, I can’t believe how bad it is. No wonder The Daily Show gets all the ratings.) Anyway, with all the goings on of working, catching up on games, and watching Netflix (just started Mad Men, good stuff) I neglected my writing per usual. So I decided to dig up something I meant to post a while back and put it up. Wrote it for a poetry class, the first thing I wrote for it actually. Probably ended up being the best thing I wrote as well. Please enjoy it, especially all you old and grizzled patrons out there, and (to borrow a phrase) Watch This Space in the future, as the college semester usually jostles some brain cells and gets me creative again. Maybe some of that will end up here.

That Pink Mist/Duty Calls

Four couches lined together in front of impossibly old televisions
Teenagers staring onward as if they were hypnotized
A concession stand with a strange combination of action figures and edible goods
Posters of Ninja Turtles and Bruce Lee plastered on every wall
The room smelled like the 80s

Leather chairs in front of huge HDTVs

Gamers with headphones screaming commands at their friends

A concession stand with overpriced candy bars and soda

Clean walls with neon lighting

The room smelled like an air freshener

The man behind the counter inquired to my origins
I said I had phoned earlier, my voice quaking like a poor man on a job interview
We shared a laugh at my mother’s conversational skills
He gave me a controller and called for the games to begin
I sat down and grinned, I had never done this before

The man behind the counter blurted out his welcome speech

I had filled out paperwork earlier, he handed me a badge

I pinned it to my lanyard as he turned back to his magazine

I sat down to play a game

As I had done so many times before

At once, the room was filled with the sounds of pop beats and female singers
Another instant, and on the screens the timers counted down
With every second, my inner child was gasping his last breath
With every moment, my thoughts and feelings barrelled towards their death
When it hit zero, I was in heaven

The room was filled with AutoTune and record scratches

I plugged in and the game began

Every second my numb senses try to react

Every moment, my mind empty but for a map layout

When the game ended, I ached for more

Before I was Blank, drifting in a sea of stares, never looking back
I was alone among my peers, so desperate for affection I spurned it
No one before had ever taught me the value of ignorance
And somewhere, in between the bullets and explosions,
I learned how to function

During the game, I was Blank, earning my recognition

My peers and I were on top, beloved by fans and sponsors alike

Ignorant to all who oppose me

And when there aren’t bullets and explosions

I can’t function

All Because of that Pink Mist

Duty Calls

-Pudge